Step Away From the DRAMA!

The other day I was channel surfing and landed on “A Baby Story”. I hear students speak often about this show as well as other baby/birthing shows, so I figured I should see what all the fuss is about. Also, I’m aware that the images shown in these programs significantly influence how people perceive birth.

To make a long story short, this particular episode depicted exactly what I would have expected to see on dramatic daytime television – and was saddened by the realization that so many others viewed it along with me. The mother had a long labor, in bed, hooked up to multiple machines – she looked very uncomfortable. The doctor encouraged her to take something for the pain. The next shot was the mother pushing, flat on her back. The doctor checked the mother and said, “It has been two hours and it feels like there is a lot of molding to your baby’s head, which means the skull bones are overlapping and will not fit through your pelvis. You will need a C-section.”

I was horrified, but not surprised by what I saw as the next series of events unfolded. As we all know, being flat on your back is the hardest way to push. And, the doctor just gave up on the mother. She didn’t say the baby wasn’t tolerating the contractions well, or that the mother’s blood pressure was a problem. She said it had been two hours and the baby’s head was molding. That is exactly what the baby’s head is supposed to do!

But before I go off on too much of a tangent on the many, many unfortunate factors contributing to this woman’s situation, I will get to my point: Turn it off. Women don’t realize that what they are watching and hearing is directly contributing to their fears and anxieties about childbirth and will directly affect their own birthing experience. This episode, whether consciously or not, planted the idea that something was wrong with this woman’s body and that she could not birth her baby. This message is seen and heard time and time again, in various forms, in the media and even in our own community.

There is an upside, though. Just as these negative stories have a negative impact on our future, positive stories have a positive impact on our future. “In a recent survey, women were asked to rate their fear of birth before reading positive birth stories, and again three weeks after reading birth stories. Participants reported an average of 33% less fear after they read empowering stories” (Midwifery Today pg. 31 Winter 2007).

I feel so fortunate that my mother (at every opportunity!) proudly told the stories of my brother’s birth and my birth. As it happens, both births were remarkably quick. She even jokes that I was almost born on the way to the hospital! I have grown up with a decidedly positive impression of birth, believing that my body is quite capable of birthing babies - hopefully as easily as my mother did! However, if all I had ever heard was how awful birth is and how traumatic it can be, I am sure I would be far more fearful and anxious.

I’m not suggesting that women should only share their birth stories if they had quick and easy births. On the contrary, even births which do not go ‘as planned’ can be told in inspiring, empowering language that focuses on what did work. I am suggesting that women turn off the TV dramas, tune out the YouTube birth videos, and even walk away from women telling their horror stories – all of which are clearly meant to draw an audience by dramatizing the fearsome. Instead, feed your mind with positive, uplifting, empowering stories about birthing. Start by picking up a copy of Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth, which includes about fifty such stories.

Or, go to the Birth Story page on the PYC website. I recently added this area to the website so that we can all read positive stories directly from our own community at the PYC. I love that Hanne shared in her story, “Both times it was such a bonding event for my husband.” Rebecca calls her birth experience a “charmed birth” and Shameka proudly proclaims, “I am breeder. And in the middle of childbirth, I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

When fear and anxiety start to overwhelm you, please take a moment to read these stories of women who have faced the same fears and uncovered their inner wisdom and womanly power. Carefully consider the potential consequences of seeing and hearing terrifying birth stories. Take these things in mindfully – you are feeding your future.

“What we think, we become.” -Buddha

I invite anyone who wants to share their story to add it to the PYC Birth Story page.

2 comments February 18th, 2008

Playing the Field

Last weekend I did a private in-home childbirth education class with one of my students and her husband. It was really more of a refresher class, since she has already given birth to two beautiful children. I asked her a bit about her past birth experiences to get an idea of what we needed to go over. She proudly told the story of two relatively quick, medical intervention-free births. Then I asked her about her care provider. She moved to NYC recently and was seeing a doctor to whom she was referred by her previous care provider. I was surprised, given the nature of her previous births, to find out that her new doctor is rather conservative and heavily intervention-based. Armed with the knowledge of what she wanted for her birth and what her doctor might suggest, we spent a lot of time discussing how to avoid common routine interventions that may not be necessary in her case.

This meeting led me to thinking about the importance of choosing a care provider who best aligns with your philosophy of birth. There is not one right way to birth. I believe that the ‘best’ birth possible is one in which a woman is making informed, educated decisions – whatever those are. And not every care provider is a good match for every woman – care providers will tend to have their own opinions, based on their experience (and other factors) about what is best. Selecting a care provider for your upcoming birth is probably one of the most important choices you will ever make. It will set the tone for much of your pregnancy and birth. If you and your doctor are not on the same page about your options, you may be in for an uphill battle when it comes time to give birth.

Unfortunately, many women wait until too late in the game to educate themselves about their many options, especially with regard to medical interventions, and find out at the last minute that the hospital and care provider they have chosen will not honor their choices. Ironically, almost every mother I know spends a lot of time researching and interviewing pediatricians they will soon rely on for the care of their new baby. I urge expectant moms to have the same zeal when choosing the care provider who will be assist them in delivery. And don’t just rely on the recommendations from friends and family – Do your homework. Ask questions. Get answers. Find a care provider who gives you confidence about your pregnancy, listens to you and acknowledges your concerns, and respects and supports your choices. And don’t assume that you should stick with the care provider who you’ve been seeing for your ‘well-woman’ annual exams. Even if you feel you have a very good relationship with your current provider, you may find that his or her ideas about childbirth are not in line with your own.

On a personal note, I have been seeing an OB/GYN (Dr. Lee- he is really great!) for my yearly exams for ten years. To be honest, I chose him when I first moved to NYC because he was right off the A train and so it was convenient for me. Luckily, he turned out to be a great doctor. When I started talking to him about getting pregnant, I was very honest with him and told him that I would be switching to a home birth midwife. He was totally supportive and not defensive about it in the least. Actually, he said he expected that from me. The reason I bring this up is this: Even though I think Dr. Lee is fantastic – he gives me lots of time in my exams, answers all of my questions (even my doula questions) – he is much more routinely intervention-based than I would feel comfortable with when it comes to childbirth.

Childbirth is a challenge in and of itself. You don’t want to put yourself in the position of having the extra-added challenge of battling your care provider. He or she should be your teammate, not your adversary, and so you should align yourself with someone who, after gathering all of the pertinent information and thoughtfully considering it, will be there for you – not just with you – and certainly not against you.

Add comment February 8th, 2008